you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize