you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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