Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
