as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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