Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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