a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
