I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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