We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
