There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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