And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
worst night to have a conscience
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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