She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
