I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
