Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
