Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
