i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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