i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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