Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
