I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
