I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.