I just threw up on my dentist
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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