hell yes lets make some ravioli
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
