textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
