I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I fill condoms, not promises.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
