Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
