One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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