I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
