Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
