Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
