I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
