Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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