My sheets look like a crime scene.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
