Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
