I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
