The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize