Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
