Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
