Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
