were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
