so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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