Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
