went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
These tits shall not be calmed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
