she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
