i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When did angry sex become our thing?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
