Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
