Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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