My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
