His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
