My hand turned me down
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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