gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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