Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
well you can't waste a boner
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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