He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
