You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
