Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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