Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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