i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
