oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
