Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
