Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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