if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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