Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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