You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
