Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize