Who did Billy Mays play for?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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