just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
