we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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