We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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