its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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