Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
