So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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