she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
