bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
