I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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